Title: My Modesty covers up my back cleavage

Subtitle: G's make you fat

There is something to say for immodesty. It creates mini goals throughout the year that keep a woman fit and trim. For example, each Halloween is preceded by a month of dieting and hearty exercise to prepare for a night of immense stomach and leg baring. Why be a pirate when you could be a mermaid, and why be a mermaid when you can be a slutty mermaid? For immodest dressers, the year is filled with these mini goals: New Years, Valentines, bathingsuit season prep, actual bathing suit season and then around again to Halloween with things like birthdays, anniversaries and special parties to fill the gaps.

Unfortunately for me and many of you, the mini goals were kicked to the curb at the onset of marriage. Aaah, marriage. The time when you are finally seen naked and should actually be skinny. But day after modest day, the pounds creep up and soon there is no pressure at all. And with no mini goals throughout the year, the lbs find a happy home around your middle. I blame my body now for my lack of a mini goal last year when our Halloween costume was this:

The felt didn't even touch my body.

Is there any way around this dilemma? Are Mormon women destined to be fat? Our self worth is high, we don't hate our bodies and we love to cook and eat. WTF, Plan of Happiness?

P.S. If you reply "diet and exercise", I will send a virus your way. Also, please don't be offended. I'm joking, kind of.

bangs are harder to get rid of than drug addictions

Which is why women need a support group for growing out your bangs.

Really, bangs? I grow you. I should be in charge here, but you continue to control my life. I cut you and love you. Then you grow, so I trim and shape you and over time you become distorted and weird. Then I decide you should be a side sweep. You work well this way, but eventually I feel the need to be free. It's only when I decide to grow you out that you exhibit your true control. It is then that you decide to grow so slowly! How can you control yourself? I hate you for it. I know you punish me for trying to ban you because you grow in varying rates to annoy me: just long enough to be in my eyes all the time, then growth, then just short of being tucked behind my ear. How can you stay just shy of my ear for months? It isn't fair and it isn't nice. After day 5 of bad bang days I'm ready to give in to you. I call my friend for support while staring at my scissors (the equivalent of a crack pipe in hair-world). I am tired of the poof, I am tired of the hairspray, I am tired of the headbands and bobby pins and constant awareness of you, thorn in my side!

But, oh happy day. I have found another way to stand up to you and your bullying ways.


Thank you anthro for providing cute bobby pins and saving my sanity once again.

Friendship: Santa Monica Edition

On my drive home from Disneyland I decided to skip my stupid class and go visit another friend I hadn't seen in a while, Emerson! As usual, she looked darling and I looked homeless. Here is a heavily cropped photo of us.

So cliche but so fun, we lunched and shopped on third street promenade in Santa Monica. Emerson wears heels, goes to law school and eats regularly at Greek restaurants, such a grown up!
But even grown ups need cupcakes, and here I was forced to purchase a full dozen. Actually forced yes, logic does not resonate with LA cupcake store ladies. Aren't they beautiful?
True friends can get together after a long time apart and enjoy eating, shopping, talking and more eating. You can read her post here and see undoctored photos of me where I look pregnant even though, unfortunately, it was pre-lunch and pre-cupcake fest.

Friendship: Disneyland Edition

Husbands are cool, but girls need girlfriends to do things like this:

• Spend 6 hours in a car listening to the Wicked soundtrack, Taylor Swift, Taylor Swift again, Paramore, a Disney mix, and Wicked again.
• Shop for Christmas ornaments at any time of the year
• Always get lost, even when walking (with a GPS on your iphone no less)
  
• Eat muddy buddies for breakfast
• Laugh and scream on rides no matter what people around you think
• Lose your voice from screaming and continually find it entertaining
  
• Go to a restaurant and have the staff think you are stoned because you order a huge amount of food and laugh hysterically for an hour straight
• Sprint from ride to ride like children
• Have someone to agree with you that moms with strollers in Disneyland are pushy and evil (and in a few years when we're both moms with strollers in Disneyland, think that everyone else is pushy and rude and should be more careful)
• No judgment after the purchase of an $8 caramel apple that looks like a pumpkin Mickey
  
• Never get annoyed at taking an obscene amount of photos

Love you Meg!

For the full account including pictures, check here.

Paging Nurse Spears

What would possess my husband to bring home a hand picked box of See's? It was a congratulations for getting accepted to grad school! Yay!

I have been out of college for more than a year now and month by month this hazy fog of depression/worthlessness/apathy has gotten more intense. I couldn't get any job for months and then I ended up taking a job selling clothes at a boutique I used to work at. It's fun but so superficial and not self fulfilling in the least.

Then yesterday I got a phone call saying I was accepted to the program I applied for (twice now). It's taken me a good 24 hours to get excited about it but now I'm really starting to feel good. The program is a 1 year accelerated second bachelor's degree and I can sit for the nursing text right after and become a sugar mama!

I have wanted to be a nurse for a while now but almost talked myself out of it because so many people are doing it too. But I guess no matter it's current popularity, it's what I have wanted to do and it matches my personality. You get to be knowledgeable and bossy, doesn't that sound great? Oh and compassionate.

Now I don't know whether to be happier that I got into nursing school or that Chad knows what my favorite See's candies are? Only people who really love you know what to buy you at See's. Also as a side note, do they make scrubs big enough to fit my booty? Preferably ones that are not Tweety Bird or Winnie the Pooh.

How To:

I copied this directly from this site. Just make sure to follow the directions precisely. I have a MAC but I'm sure it's the same on a PC if you're using iTunes. It's really not difficult and it's great to have your own ring tones for free!

To create custom ringtones using only iTunes:

1. Right click on the song you are going to make into a ringer and select “Get Info.”
2. Go to the options tab and go down to the “Start Time” and “Stop Time” check boxes. Check both boxes and input the time you want your ringer to start/stop. The ringer has to be 30 seconds or less. Click OK when you’re done.
3. Right click on your newly “clipped” song and select “Convert Selection to AAC.” The song will be re-encoded using the start and stop times determined (If your menu item does not read “Convert Selection to AAC” and reads “Convert Slection to MP3″ (or some other format) please go to iTunes > Preferences > Advanced > Importing and change the “Import Using” drop down menu to “AAC Encoder”).



4. After the song is done encoding navigate to your iTunes Music folder, locate your song, and drag it to your desktop. After the song is on your desktop go back to iTunes and delete the clipped version from you iTunes library (It won’t delete it from your desktop, it will only remove it from iTunes).
5. Go back the song on your desktop and right click on your song and chose “Get info.” Go to the name and extension section and change the extension from .m4a to .m4r (or you can just change the extension right from your desktop)
6. After the extension is changed simply double click on the file to add it to your iTunes library under the ringtones section. Sync your phone with iTunes and you’re done!

Remember to go back into iTunes and uncheck your custom start and stop times for the original version of your song.

My Journal

Shopping for a new journal is a very specific practice. I liken it to getting your first wand: you can't just choose any old stick; it has to speak to you. There should be sparks or the greatest magic won't come of it. Your journal has to be an aesthetic representation of who you are at this point in your life. There are numerous variables affecting your decision: color palette, pattern and material of the cover, size of the book, line size, lines at all? For me, everything has to be perfect. My argument is your journal is the only place you can be really, truly you. Here you can admit being proud of yourself for doing something honest or write out a situation and organize your thoughts, with possible reevaluation. Here you can set personal goals for yourself, tell secrets, pen stories and family history. The underlying factor is that your journal has no repercussions. It doesn't raise an eyebrow when you rededicate yourself to losing weight.. again.. It doesn't judge when you write out of anger or admit selfish desires. It will never be your yes-man and it will never be your critic. In your journal, you house the purest form of you, the part that you write for no one but yourself, so you see why it has to be perfect. You and your journal need to be one so you can adequately record your life.

Starting a new journal for me is also cathartic. It's new and special and reminds me to have more positive and less negative to write. So here it is. Isn't it lovely? I truly adore it.